i n f u s i o n
by aervien
Summary: Orihime x Ulquiorra, darkfic; Despite all of Orihime's wild fantasies, even she knew that you were not supposed to fall in love with the enemy.
1. numero uno

_February 21, 2008 21:23 EST_

This is going to be a four-piece fic on the pairing of Inoue Orihime x Ulquiorra Schiffer. If you have a problem with it, please, just don't read and save us both some time. That said, criticism is welcomed. As you read, please remember that I didn't intend this to come off as a happy piece, it's not supposed to be happy, don't get mad when it isn't. Also, there are spoilers for the latest Bleach chapters.

* * *

**infusion** (_noun_) the act of infusing or introducing a certain modifying element or quality

_"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."_  
**- Maya Angelou -**

It was not nice, this_thing_ between them. It was not sweet or kind as the hands of Unohana-taichou. It was not gentle and soft as the looks between Ichigo and Rukia. It was not patient or even sane as the steady friendship of Ishida and Chad. No, it was not 'nice', this need, this obsession.

-

Inoue always figured that she would forever love Kurosaki-kun. She thought that since ages ago when they first began high school together, and she thought that as they raced through the tunnel to Soul Society for the first time. Despite the sickeningly sweet wordless exchanges between Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san, Inoue loved Kurosaki-kun. She was _in love_ with Kurosaki-kun, and nothing could change that.

At first, Inoue thought that maybe, just maybe, Ishida-kun could take that spot. The Quincy was sweet to her, and she was sweet to him in turn. But the slim brittleness that was Ishida-kun simply could not stand against the buff aggressiveness of Kurosaki-kun, and Inoue's heart rejected Ishida-kun's polite advances even as she began to let go the fantasy that was Kurosaki-kun. Kuchiki-san was so _lucky_. Jealousy, however, was a foreign emotion to Inoue, and she did not begrudge the petite shinigami her spot in Kurosaki-kun's life. '_That could have been me_.' But Inoue only thought such thoughts once, and then forever put it behind her.

She could not, however, repress that tiny part of her that screamed with joy his name as he fought for her. _For her_. Not Kuchiki-san, nor for Soul Society or for the multitudes of innocent human souls caught where they shouldn't be. _For her_. Just for her. All those wounds and dogged breaths were for her sake. Anyone, shinigami, Arrancar, or human would be secretly pleased about such devotion, and Inoue was no exception. The rest of her was ashamed that she be happy about such horror occurring because of her, but that one most secret part of her was delighted, and she could not suppress it.

-

When Inoue had first laid eyes on Ulquiorra, she had thought him to be cold but beautiful, in his own odd way. The teardrop mark on his cheek seemed to be symbiotic of some thing that lurked beneath the icy depths that were his ever-watching eyes. He delivered her orders in monotonously clipped tones, and the ice in them terrified her more than the orders themselves. And human as she was, she could not help but show it in her expression, and she could feel the disgust he felt at her weakness. She was disappointed in herself for feeling such fear, but she was not Kurosaki-kun, who did not know the meaning of fear. Nor was she Kuchiki-san, who had destroyed her fear long ago.

His emerald gaze caught her, her body freezing in fear and shock before he turned away, and she was released into the living world in her own apartment. For moments afterwards, Inoue could only stand there, stunned, her human mind trying desperately to find some way out of the position the Arrancar had placed around her.

As her mind tried to unknot itself, her eyes replayed the scene over and over, remembering with startling clarity his mask, his pale skin, his green eyes, the twin tearstreaks, the delicate lips and cheekbones… it was an ugly situation, and Inoue, true to her nature, focused in on the few beautiful parts of it, namely, the appearance of the Arrancar himself. It was a mask, she knew, because she was trying to strong, and yet, strong was something she was not.

She was Inoue Orihime, and she was scared of this emotionless marble statue with the crying tears on his cheek, waiting to be unfrozen so it could slip down from its tiresome station.

-

She was an interesting creature, Ulquiorra allowed. A strong girl that refused to bow down completely. The bullshit he had spouted was just that – bullshit. He was quite aware that such psychological games might not work with this slip of girl, and he fully acknowledged that the strange loyalty she seemed to cling to would never be turned to Aizen's plans. And yet, he lied and continued to lie for Aizen, simply not knowing any other way to live.

"Why do you follow Aizen?" she asked suddenly once.

He turned bored eyes to her, and blinked slowly. "Why not?" was his simple answer, though he could tell it did not satisfy her. He braced him for the babbling he knew was to come.

"Because you could do other things! You don't have to fight, or kill, or sit around inside all day. You could make another slit-thinger and walk to the living world and maybe go to some place like Iceland and play in the green fields all day and you wouldn't have to kill or maim or even heal anyone because no one would ever get hurt and… and…"

Her babbling ceased into a heavy silence, and Ulquiorra realized that this monologue was her wishes being voiced. She was trapped, and she knew it, a mouse in the room full of lazily watching cats. She was trapped, but she viewed his freedom to walk around Hueco Mundo uninhibited as _freedom_, and that was where she was wrong. He was as stuck as she was; a prisoner to the wishes of his master who could kill him at any moment.

Ulquiorra Schiffer was just as trapped as Inoue Orihime in this white-walled prison created by Aizen Sousuke.

-

She tried to be bubbly, tried to be happy. The white walls around her were not scary, merely exhausting. They sucked away her energy, took away her will to bounce around as if nothing were wrong. Meals were handed to her on a regular basis, and she did not want for anything. Ulquiorra was a sporadic constant in her newly formed routine. His melancholy face soon replaced the white walls as the image she would babble to. It was a battle to get him to respond, but every so often he would - some short, monosyllabic comment that would make her smile.

But when she felt the spiritual reiatsu of her friends in the barren land she was trapped in, she forgot about Ulquiorra, forgot about the slight kindness he showed her in staying with her when she needed the company in favor of those friends who fought for the idea of her. She withdrew within herself, fantasizing about how Kurosaki-kun would blast through the white walls she hated so much and stand there, proud and tall, announcing that he was here to save her. Kuchiki-san would be right next to him, of course, as she should be, and Ishida-kun would give her that sweet smile of his and Chad would –

Die.

Inoue froze in shock as Chad's reiatsu faltered and dimmed. Behind her, she could hear the door open, and she turned to see Ulquiorra watching her. For a moment, she thought she saw something (_sympathy?_) flash in those emerald eyes, but it must have been a figment of her imagination, for Ulquiorra's eyes were ice, not water, and did not move for anyone.

Words were spoken. She hardly heard him, barely registering the tray of food there. Something he said reached through the haze, and she moved without thinking. Her hand stung and her protesting shoulder told her she had put all her meager strength into that blow. Her eyes were crying, but she didn't register the tears, glaring at him in fury before she realized who it was she had slapped and what he could do to her. Apprehension slid into her expression as Ulquiorra watched, only mildly irritated.

"Eat."

He left.

And Inoue was alone, all alone, as she felt Kuchiki Rukia's reiatsu slip away just as Chad's had.

-

He could have killed her. It would have been simple. A lift of his hand, a twist of his wrist. Her neck would have snapped easily enough, but Aizen wanted her alive and well. That was the only reason why he didn't kill her, he reasoned with himself. Killing her would have meant killing himself, in a way, and though he found it odd to think his life interchangeable with hers, it was true, and Ulquiorra had no desire to provoke Aizen like that.

So she lived, because Aizen had said so, and certainly not because some small part of him that grew in her presence could not bear to have her blood on his hands, despite the oceans of it he had spilled before.

He was trapped, as was she. But where she had devoted friends screaming their brainless head off to come save her, he had no one to reach out towards. Somehow, between keeping her company out of a lack of anything else to do and bringing her her daily meals, somehow, she had become a solitary bit of color in the white-washed palace of Aizen, and he was loathe to erase it just yet.

-

The attempt to rescue her succeeded, as Inoue had known it would. Aizen Sousuke was no more, but neither was Zaraki Kenpachi or Kuchiki Byakuya. Yasutora Chad was also reported dead, and Kuchiki Rukia had escaped that fate by sheer luck. Inoue mourned for the souls lost for her sake; knowing that the battle would have been inevitable anyways was no comfort to her.


	2. numero dos

_March 3, 2008 22:21 EST_

Part two of four. It took me a bit to make myself write this, I've had a bazillion other things going on right now. I don't have a beta-reader at the moment so... anyways, enjoy. I don't know when I'll write the next installment. Uhm, sometime in the next month? I have two shows for the next two weeks... and then I have other stuff. Almost no Ulquiorra in this chapter. Almost.

* * *

Days of celebration were followed with weeks of piecing her old life back together, bit by broken bit. Her time away had hurt her friendship with Tatsuki, and although Inoue still loved the other girl, she knew that where she went was a place where Tatsuki could not go, and she forced herself to let go of the life with the other girl. 

Soul Society was in shambles from the Winter War, and she often made the trip for a variety of reasons – to train against various members of the squads, to heal and hone her abilities with the fourth squad, to visit Kuchiki-san and all the other friends she had there... it was, however, quite simply not the same, and it showed in everyone's haggard faces and tired eyes.

Yachiru took over as Captain after Kenpachi's death. The little girl was still bubbly and hyperactively cheerful, but the pinkness of her hair was now tinged with red, and her eyes were hard where they were once carefree. The loss of her guardian was a hard one for the girl to accept, but she did it without complaint. Ikkaku was established as the new Vice-Captain, and Yumichika was third seat. The three ruled their squad as well as ever, and it seemed as though the memory of the hulking giant of a Captain still permeated the air, giving them the same fighting spirit as ever before.

With Byakuya dead, Rukia was now head of the Kuchiki household. The kenseikan atop her head seemed too heavy a burden for the petite shinigami, but Rukia was strong, and she barreled the Kuchiki elders over by sheer force of will – along with some not-so-idle threats from some of her more powerful friends. Ukitake-taichou also requested that she become his new Vice-Captain, and it was decreed that she would take up the position as soon as she had settled matters of Byakuya's death with the Kuchiki clan. Renji ascended to Captain of the Sixth squad, although he had yet to choose a Vice-Captain.

And the third death, Yasutora Sado, whom they all called Chad. Who was their friend, their brother, their _ally_. His death hit Inoue the hardest, and she cried a good deal over the lack of the strong figure standing in their midst. The missing presence was certainly felt by all, and when a small feast was set up in honor of the late Captains, Yasutora Sado's name was right next to theirs in honor. No one wished to diminish the sacrifice these three had made for Soul Society, for the world, and even though there were hundreds of lower-ranked shinigami killed, the lack of too many high-ranked deaths allowed Soul Society to pull back together without too much difficulty. Although there were still squads without Captains, their Vice-Captains and third seats managed admirably.

And slowly, life returned to normal.

-

It was the first day of school again, the first day of Inoue's senior year of high school. The girl was uncharacteristically quiet, and the others noticed. Ichigo and Ishida had come back to school. Tatsuki was still there, but Inoue had not spoken to the other girl much over the summer, and the break in their friendship was painfully obvious from the wistful tension between them. Tatsuki was still Orihime's dragon, but Inoue was no longer Tatsuki's princess. The story of the Winter War was never quite fully explained to those who had been left behind. All they knew was that Kuchiki Rukia was a figment of their imagination, and that Kurosaki Ichigo, Ishida Uryuu, and Inoue Orihime were bonded (_broken_) in a way that they could not (_didn't want to_) emulate and in a world where they could not (_would not_) enter.

-

"Orihime."

"Yes, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Orihime, I… I'm going to have a party tomorrow at my house, y'know, since it's my birthday and all. I know it hasn't been the same ever since you came back, but… but I was hoping that… Orihime, I'd like it if…"

"Of course I'll come, Tatsuki-chan," Inoue gave her (_Orihime's_) friend a smile. "Of course I'll come."

The brilliant smile from Tatsuki was almost enough to break Inoue.

-

Tatsuki's party was nothing special. It was a high school party for a high school senior who practically had a guaranteed full scholarship to some school in Tokyo with the best martial arts program in the country. There was pounding music and dim lights, booze and shredded wrapping paper. A pile of various little presents dominated a corner, and every so often someone would throw another little something in there as they arrived. A mass of bodies writhed like some tentacle-covered Hollow and more than one drunken couple had already stumbled out the door, intent on getting somewhere a little more private.

Inoue found herself alone in the kitchen, listening to the heavy music whilst drinking a glass of water. She hadn't touched the alcohol, nor had she done much else than congratulate Tatsuki, hand over a present, and then go hide herself away. Kurosaki-kun and Ishida-kun had both given her their presents for Tatsuki as neither of them were all that interested in the party. Kurosaki-kun was probably training at Urahara-san's shop again, and Ishida-kun was probably working at his father's hospital once more. Inoue was almost jealous of how seamlessly the two of them had slipped back into a normal life, but then Inoue would see the ever-present dark circles under Ishida-kun's eyes, and the haunted struggle behind Kurosaki-kun's eyes and Inoue wouldn't be jealous anymore.

"O-Orihime!"

Inoue turned around, her eyes widening at the sight of a plastered Tatsuki. The other girl's face was flushed red and she had a hazily dreamy look in her normally sharp eyes. Inoue refilled her glass with cold water, and stepped towards Tatsuki with it. "Here," she offered, "Have some water, Tatsuki-chan. You're drunk."

"I-I kno-oww, Orihime," Tatsuki spit out. She was surprisingly coherent for a drunk, and Inoue watched her warily.

"Orihime," Tatsuki started again, "Orihime. Orihime, I-I'm your drag-dragon, ri-right? I-I'm your dragon right? It's me! I'm your dragon!" Tatuski's voice had climbed several octaves, and suddenly her voice lowered again, becoming soft. Her eyes never left Inoue's stunned orbs, the haziness somehow nullified by the sharp intensity behind them. "Ori-hi-hime, you're my pri-princess. You are."

"Tatsuki-chan…"

The tomboy never let Inoue finish, for she lurched herself forward, and suddenly, suddenly, Inoue tasted Tatsuki's alcohol-laden breath, felt chapped lips touch her own, let Tatsuki's grasping hands clutch her arms in a desperate plea for Tatsuki's Orihime to come back. This was it, Inoue realized, this was the last chance she would have to revive herself (_Orihime_). This was Tatsuki-chan's (_dear Tatsuki-chan_) last ditch effort, this was the last line that would be thrown out to her.

Inoue wrenched Tatsuki's hands away from her arms, and disappeared into the next room. She didn't see how Tatsuki crumpled, tears streaming down her face. She didn't see how the girl started to sob and wail uncontrollably. She didn't see how Tatsuki took the glass that Inoue had originally offered her and smashed it against her own arm, creating strands of blood that streaked down her pale skin. Inoue had long since lost the ability to see such things, for she was no longer one of that realm.

Inoue belonged to a different world now, one where Tatsuki-chan did not belong, one where Tatsuki-chan would wither to nothing. Inoue belonged to a world where she could not see Tatsuki-chan's blood down her arm, but rather, to a world where all she could see was Ulquiorra's tears running down his porcelain cheeks.

-

Tatsuki-chan no longer existed to Inoue. The shattered eyes that followed from room to room were not of a person whom she recognized. The only ones who might have saved her were Ishida-kun and Kurosaki-kun, and both were too wrapped up in their own worlds to remember to take care of a non-existent Orihime. Kurosaki-kun was gone more and more to trips to Soul Society, visiting Rukia, training, taking Academy classes. Ishida-kun was still at the hospital, working any time he was not at school. The three sat together for lunch, for break, in silence, resting in each other's quiet and finding small solace in the knowledge that they were not alone in their loss.

Knowledge was a heavy burden.

-

The first sighting she had of him was when she was grocery shopping one night. She passed an aisle and there he was, standing there in normal clothes, looking through cartons of cereal. She blinked, turned away and counted to five.

When she turned back, he was gone.

-

The second sighting was in school. She was looking out the window one day, ignoring the teacher's spouting. He was standing there under the tree's shade, leaning against the large trunk, relaxed as if nothing in the world were wrong at all.

When she turned back from lying about why she had suddenly jumped up and rushed to the window, he was gone.

-

The third sighting was when she finally talked to him.

"Wait!" she shouted after him, racing through the park. "Wait!"

He didn't stop, and Inoue ran even faster, desperation taking over.

"ICHIMARU-SAN, PLEASE WAIT!"

He turned around, and Inoue was almost happy to see the creepy smirk and lidded eyes once more. She ran up to him, stopping a mere five feet away, breathing heavily.

She swallowed, "Ichimaru-san –"

"Stop following me," Ichimaru-san told her sharply. "The one you want is not me, and the one I want is not you."

Inoue gaped at him. "Ichimaru-san, Rangiku-chan still –"

"I know," he cut her off again. "Ran-chan should stop waiting for me, for Ichimaru Gin no longer exists."

"But, Ichimaru-san, if you don't exist, how am I talking to you?"

Ichimaru Gin opened his eyes, and stared straight at Inoue Orihime, his gaze freezing her, "Inoue Orihime no longer exists as well, and yet, here you are, talking to me." He turned away once more. "He stays at 345 Doku Path. See ya later, Ori-chan, you were always good at rejecting what you didn't like."

Inoue Orihime stood there long after Ichimaru Gin left.


End file.
